Ron and the adventure of a kiss
by Black-nailed-vixen
Summary: As Ron walks to the owlery he meets someone he does not expect. My first fic Please please read and review
1. the kiss

"Hey Harry! HARRY!" 

"Oh hey Hermione what's up?

"Well something awful happened to Ron, something dreadful!", she said in a thoroughly exasperated way.

"What is Hermione, what is it?"

"Well it seems that Eloise Midgen ……Well…..she may have…..she cornered Ron on his way to the.. Uh.. owlery and she may have…well…….she…."

"Spit it out Hermione!"

"Ok, Ok! She kissed him!"

"Oh bloody hell! Is he all right, where is he, did he pass out, Hermione Tell me!'

"Stop babbling Harry! He's going to be all right he's up in the dormitory now he…well, he seems slightly delusional."

"Well come on we need to go see him convince him that….that…..I dunno tell him that Eloise is crazy and this could have happened to anyone and that he'll be completely normal in the end."

"Alright then lets go!"

They raced up to Gryffindor tower and found Ron laying in his bed with his eyes wide and he seemed like he had been hit very hard in the mouth and could not speak properly.

Ron, Ron, it's me Harry are you aright what did she do to you?

"Going, owlery almost there she… she came around corner asked "have a minute" , said ya grabbed me. Then….then… tongue came outta no where. Kissed, mouth, and….and…………"

He let out an enormous shudder and it seemed he could speak no more.

"What's wrong with him", Harry whispered

"Well Harry it seems that the shock of having his first kiss and the fact that his first kiss was with Eloise Midgen seems to have put him in a right state." She whispered back.

"What can we do?"

"Lets just talk to him normal for a bit and let him sleep I'm sure he'll be fine in the morning."

"Alright then", he said.

The next morning when Harry woke up he found Ron lying in his bed snoring loudly. He shook Ron awake determinedly hoping that Ron would be back to his old self.

"Sup Arry ?"he spoke in a tired way

"Are you, alright Ron?"

"Yeah, I suppose I mean yesterday was no cakewalk." Harry laughed, "I suppose not but are you gonna be able to walk among the living today?" Harry asked tenderly.

"Yeah, But if Eloise come within 30 feet of me I'm gonna have to run"

"Alright lets go find Hermione, No doubt she already awake, probably trying to recruit some more people to SPEW."

They dressed and found Hermione in the common room and unsurprisingly she had her SPEW tin beside her but she was not badgering anyone to take up the cause, she was actually staring thoughtfully out the window.

"Oh hello you two. Feeling better Ron?" she said as though they had surprised her.

"Oh I'm fine I guess ya know I'm feeling better today."

Harry and Ron sat down opposite Hermione and were silent for a minute or two before hermione suddenly said,

"Ron Why were You going to the Owlery?"

"Oh I dunno, I was sending a letter. Why do you care?"

"Well I um. Who were you sending a letter too?" She said this in such a way that Ron seemed to break under her tone."

"Well Hermione, I was sending a letter to…..to a…to a…um person."

"Really Ron a person, I'd have never guessed! Was this person a boy or a girl? Hmmm?"

Ron looked as though he'd rather go on a date with Snape than tell her.

"I was sending a letter to a….a………girl" he said in a very small voice.

Suddenly Harry let out a triumphant laugh and stared poignantly at Ron

"Shut up Harry" He said.

"Yes Harry shut up", Hermione said chuckling, "What exact girl were you sending a letter too.? She said with an enormous grin on her face.

"Oh you know……..just…….Padma."

"Really Ron Padma, is she your _girlfriend_?" She placed particular emphasis on the word "girlfriend" Ron's ears had turned the deepest shade of red that they had ever been. He also looked as though he would rather be just about anywhere but there.

Harry was know laughing uncontrollably and odd words were sputtering out of his mouth.

"Ron….Ha ha….Girlfriend….Ha….Padma…..Ha Ha…how?…Ha Ha…"

Ron looked as though he wanted to give him a good kick right in the face.

"Harry, really be quiet, Please! So Ron is she your Girlfriend?"

"Well", he said, "I suppose you could say that"

"Oh well I'm happy for you Ron how long have you too been going out?"

He seemed happy that she was taking him seriously he answered.

"Well this is our one month anniversary so I figured I should send her something'

He looked at Harry who had fallen on the floor and the corners of his eyes were leaking tears because he was laughing so hard.

"That is so sweet Ron", Hermione said surprised at the fact that Ron had been so thoughtful, "why didn't you tell me and Harry before?"

"I didn't want you to laugh at me." As he said this he glanced in Harry's direction who was laughing so much he looked as though he was having a fit of some kind.

"Well I can understand your worries", she said looking disgustedly at Harry who had finally gotten over his bout of laughing and was slowly hoisting himself back into his chair.

"Well Hermione I'm Going to see Padma it is are anniversary you know"

"Bye Harry"

"See you", they said together

Ron walkedaway from them looking imensly relieved and rather red in the face.

As soon as the portrait hole closed Hermione burst into laughter

"Can……….. You ……..believe…….. he has a …….girlfriend" she said Chuckling so badly she had a hard time getting the words out.

"Not really", he replied.

They both looked at each other then collapsed in fits of laughter.


	2. Harrys Gay

As Ron Headed towards the great hall entrance way he was looking forward to his date with Padma. He was glad that he now did not have to hide his relationship with her from Harry and Hermione. Harry would stop laughing eventually,…….he hoped.

He was at least halfway there when Eloise popped out from behind a statue of a deranged Knight, He stopped dead in his tracks he cringed at the thought of her party because of her horrid acne, but mainly because he was brought back to the moment when she brought her dry chapped lips to his and…and.. Well he couldn't bare the thought of going back to the moment again.

"Hi Ron", Eloise greeted brightly, "how are you feeling today". 

"I dunno, fine I suppose" ,he mumbled almost incoherently

"Well I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about , well you know, I don't know what I was thinking. Its just that Ron, Well you turn me on I get so hot when I see you. With your sexy red hair that tight little bum, I can hardly keep my hands off you!" She told him this as though she had been waiting months to say it.

Many thoughts were running through Ron's mind, but the recurring theme seemed to be along the lines of "what the hell has she been smoking" .

"I uh…uh…you know I've got a girlfriend right?"

"A girlfriend" she said. "Then she burst out laughing"

"O MY GOD!CANT ANYBODY BELIEVE I HAVE A FLIPPIN GIRLFRIEND!" He screamed

He then marched down to the entrance hall and waited for Padma.

As he waited he thought of many things. He resented everyone for not believing that he , Ron Weasly, could obtain a good looking girlfriend. Or even just a girlfriend for that matter. At least Hermione had taken him seriously, he thought calmingly.

But as he stewed in his own anger he started thinking of ways to get back at Harry, no one would think twice if Harry had a gorgeous girl like Padma. They'd think it sweet, lovely, and wish them a long relationship. Well Harry's gonna get what's coming to him he thought cunningly.

Just when his brain had kicked into high gear Padma arrived smiling sweetly and being none the wiser that in the last twenty-four hours Ron had been kissed (but not for the first time as Hermione had wrongly deduced) and made a fool of by Harry.

"Hello Ron are you ready to go?" she asked.

"Quite, lets be off then" he replied loving the way she walked.

They then proceeded to snog like crazy which made ron feel A LOT better.

After a pleasant evening with Padma, Ron had cooled himself down a lot. But he was still going to get back at Harry. When he arrived at the dormitory he closed his four-poster around him and thought. Ron was not a good thinker. That was Hermione's job. In fact Ron rarely thought. If you cut open his skull the average person would expect to find two of the most shriveled up peanuts you had ever seen, rather than a brain. But Ron off course had a brain he used it at times off great peril but no more. Though this particular evening Ron decided to pull out the old noggin and rack his brain. Even he was surprised at his will not to be lazy.

"Chinese water torture, no I don't want to kill him….um..….leave a letter for snape saying he looks good as a ballerina signed by Harry…no no they could probably trace that back to me…..ahh thinking is hard why does Hermione even bother with it….no no keep your mind on the right track. Um tell people he has seven toes,….no that's just stupid….oh oh oh I know it ……I know it! Ill tell people he's gay! That's great, I'm so so smart! Now how will I go about it? I know I find a picture of a half naked man and sa I found it in Harry's nightstand………yes yes that will work!! I really am smart.

So Ron went aout with his plan. First he had to find a picture of a half naked man, easier said than done. He could find no spell that he had the competence to perform that would get him what he wanted. Then he realized that all the boys in his dorm kept playboys under their beds except Neville so maybe a girl would have a playgirl he could get a picture out of! Yes that would work. There was the matter of the steps , well maybe a simple freezing spell would work.

It would be lunch in dinner in ten minutes , it would be best to get the picture while everyone was at lunch. He headed up to Gryffindor tower and it lay deserted. He headed to the stairs and performed the freezing spell . He tentatively placed his foot upon the first step, the step seemed as solid as ever so he placed his weight upon it and when he was sure that he would not fall he raced up the steps to the door that said "6th Years". He hopped in the room and took inventory of his surroundings, this room obviously belonged to girls posters of men covered the walls, unfortunately these were all clothed. He was dsgusted by the large poster of three Technicolor kittens that were silently mewing. He gagged and went on with his search.

"geese the girls are frikkin neat" he thought aloud.

He looked under mattresses and he found nothing until he came to a bed that was surrounded by things that were organized perfectly and a large pile of books were placed and the foot of the bed.

Under the bed lay a playgirl, finally what he was after. He flipped open to the middle of the magazine.

"MY GOD hes Huge" he said louder than he intended .  
He ripped off a picture of a man in a tye-dye thong and a hairless chest he stuffed the magazine back where he got it from and slipped out of the dormitory to the great hall.

"Hey Ron" called Harry as soon as Ron entered the hall.

"oh sup Harry", he said " I can't stay I'll just grab a slice of pie and go"

Harry looked confused but didn't have time to further question Ron as he grabbed a piece of cherry pie ad bolted from the hall.

"I wonder where he went" Harry comented to Hermione

" I dunno he's been acting rather strange since the whole Eloise midgen incident" she replied

" ahh well"

After dinner Harry went to the library to get a book for a potions essay, while Hermione went back to Gryffindor tower.

"Hermione! Hermione come here I've got to tell you something" Lavender hailed her as she was on her way to the tower.

"what is it?" Hemione asked "well I just thought I'd tell you tell that when I went back to our dormitory to get a chap stick, well I saw Ron heading down the steps of the girls staircase, I just thought I'd tell you" Lavender said hurriedly"

"oh…uh…thank you" Hermione answered in a confused way.

When she got to the common room she found Ron doing homework. She immediately knew something was wrong, Ron doesn't do homework unless he absolutely has to and no homework was due tomorrow.

"Hey Ron whats up?" Hermione asked cautiously.

"oh, not much really….just…..well I, I, I need to show you something" he said

"what is it" she replied

He pulled out a slightly torn picture of a man in a thong

Hermione started to blush so deeply that she looked as though she had a plum on her shoulders not a head. She immediately snatched the picture out of Ron's hands.

"where did you get that" she snapped

"I found it in Harry's trunk, I don't know but I think, I think he might be……….um….gay" he said quietly.

Something clicked in Hermione's brain. "are you still mad at Harry?" she said

" um no" he said unconvincingly

" yes you are" she said " and your trying to get back at him arent you? I know you are! Harry is not gay. I know that you did not get that picture from Harry's trunk!" she said

"How do you know I didn't get that picture from Harry's trunk?"

" I……..I……..I just……..uh know" she said quietly

"OH MY GOD THAT WAS YOURS!!" Ron yelled in a triumphant and slightly disgusted sort of way.

"No its not mine" Hermione said

"yes it is" Ron said smiling "now that I think about it I found it at a bed that was all neat and had books by it!"

Ron started laughing manically and jumping around the common room scarring a group of first years and causing one of them to fall out of their chair .

"stop Ron" Hermione pleaded

Just at that moment Harry walked into the dormitory looking rattled and wearing no pants

A/N Ha a cliffhanger! Please Review if I get a couple of reviews I'll write another chapter!  
Hope you liked this chapter it was longer than the last one and I think I did a better job ! So please review! 


	3. So Harry isn't gay, but who's his girlfr...

(A/N I only have one review poo maybe I'll get more with this chapter!)

Ron's mouth hung open as he stared at Harry . H was hugging his robes close to his body and was trying to conceal the fact that his pants were missing. He was unsuccessful as four or five inches of bare ankle showed under the hem of his robes.

" What happened to you!" exclamed Hermione, as she jumped up to see if Harry was alright.

"get off Hermione" mumbled harry.

"Where are your pants?" questioned Ron.

Harry stood there looking stupidly from Ron to Hermione for a while before he decided to tell them his story while still skipping a few rather large details.

"Well", harry began, "I went up to the astromony tower for, um, something, well on my way back I was on that staircase that's a shortcut to the common room and the trap staircase caught my pantleg. I couldn't get it back out so I just took off my pants."

Hermione giggled at the thought of Harry scurrying back to the common room hoping no one would notice his lack of pants.

"So, uh, why were you up there might I ask?" Hermione asked with a glint in her eye

Harry looked as though this was the very thing he had hoped would not happen.  
"There a lovely constellation tonight" Harry said at a very high pitch

"oh really, I didn't know that , which one?" Hermoine inquired.

"um, The Big Bear", Harry said hopefully

"If you remember Harry, you told me you were going to the library to get a book for Snape's essay. I didn't realize it at the time, but we don't have an essay for Snape, in fact we don't have any homework, it's the weekend. You also don't have a book, why were you Really there?" asked Hermione

" I told you", Harry exclaimed, "I went to see a constellation!" "No Harry, you told us half of the truth. I don't doubt you were there, what I doubt is why you were there. The Big Bear is out every night my friend, so what did you go there for. Or should I say who did you go there for?" Hermione said patiently.

"None of your business", Harry said stubbornly

"So there is someone", gloated hermione

"I did not say that" Harry declared

"you didn't have to" ,Hermione said happily, "Who is it, oh you just have to tell me"

Harry seemed to falter under her glaze the same on she had used the day before on Ron .

Ron had been silent through the whole conversation, he had slowly realized that Hermione could get anyone to give up anything. He also noticed how much she enjoyed making people squirm.

Harry mumbled something incoherently

"what was that?", Hermione asked

"Mphginmmygum", Harry mumbled again still very quietly.

"one more time", insisted Hermione.

"Ginny", Harry said dejectedly.

"WHAT!", Ron yelled, "WHAT WERE YOU DOING WITH MY SISTER!"

"CALM DOWN RON", Hermione yelled back, " Harry is allowed to se anyone he wishes"

"NOT ANYONE, NOT MY SISTER!"

"Yes Ron, anyone, now sit down and SHUT UP!" Hermione instructed

Ron had murder in his eyes when he sat down. He was breathing heavily and looked as though he really wanted to get up, jump on Harry , and throttle him.

"are you to going together", she asked.

"yes", he whispered.

"For how long?",Hermione asked.

"A month", Harry replied

"A MONTH, A MONTH, HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL US, HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME, YOU, YOU, YOU LITTLE BASTARD, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" , Ron yelled loudly so that a huddle of second years jumped and one knocked a table over.

Ron started towards a wide eyed Harry until he came face to face with Hermione's wand.

"Ron Weasley, if you do not sit down and control yourself immediately I will not hesitate to jinx you", her voice was deadly calm, and Ron was sure she was not joking. He slowly backed away from Hermione and sat down . Hermione followed suit.

Harry was looking at Hermione wishing she would offer him some kind of comfort.

Well Harry where is Ginny anyway?

A/N Pleaze Pleaze Review 


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